Face the facts

I'm having difficulities coping with the knowledge that I am barely in control of anything.

 

Misplaced

Its been a while, but here we go again!

I feel that everything is misplaced.
Day by day I stumble around on this world.
I'm trying to find a relaxing stance and look it over.
But there is ALWAYS something that does NOT feel right.
I can live with it, ofcourse, yes, I hold on.
I'm strong, right?

Probably stronger than most people...

I actually choose to live with the burden of KNOWNING.
How does that sound? Confident? YES.
I dare to face fact that I know more because I realise
that we LACK certain knowledge.

We don't know what happens when we die.
But that does not scare me.
No sir!
It even makes me curious...

What is it that makes people afraid of the unknown?
If you are frightened of dying, then WHY??
Why don't you experience misplaced feelings?
If you cannot accept a simple part of life.
Dying is part of living. Accept it!
It is just a simple transfer. Out of body.

If you want to feel the pain that comes
with your body forever, be my guest...
But I'll happily accept that one day,
my flesh will be gone.

And I wonder, as the seasons change,
as the days pass by, as my life "happens",

Will I ever feel in place?
 

This world sucks...

Seriously. Yesterdays elections pushed my nose on the
fact that I do not belong in this world once again!

Over half of the retarded population has voted for parties
that punish the intellect. If you are smart and you work
hard for your money, you get screwed. Thats about the
story in this godforsaken country.

Besides the fact that I think it is crazy to discourage
the smart people to work hard and do something useful
for themselves and for society, IT IS ABSURD that a
party like SP gets that many votes.

Why does everybody support the anti-zionists, these socialist whores?
They are no good news for us or for the rest of the world.
In a way they support nazi ideologie. Yet they get so many votes.

There goes my trust in  this country....and in all of its population.

¿Communication Problem?

Im starting to feel like a stranger on this earth.

Every single day there are new things, stuff that doesn't feel like it belongs to my life.

Whenever I read the news paper, there are always three or more articles that disturb me for some reason, they feel weird. It's like the trigger some chemical reaction in my brain that makes me feel weird, angry, agressive or sometimes even sad. I wonder what this world is heading for. I realise I am one of very few who feels there is something wrong. I feel it every day. Maybe it is just my bored brain playing tricks on me..... But I don't think so. There is something more.

I think If you read my previous post you'll have a better idea of what im talking about.

Im feeling perverted. My mind comes up with stuff that does not fit in most of your worlds. And I am unable to explain in mere words what it is. I guess my real problem is that communicating through words is too limited for the stuff I come up with. I must find another way.....

The world is degenerating around me so fast, I can't keep up!!

You people should be evolving, but what the fuck is up?

Are you all growing this retarded, dumb pieces of shit!

I'm pretty damn annoyed, by people with no wit.

You all follow each others tail.

Not seeing why you fail.

Keep on making the same mistakes.

Start them over as soon as you awake.

There is really no hope for the dumb.

Can't talk to them, to reason they're numb.

I can't help it, as sad as it is,

If they die, it won't be a miss. 

Moment of truth (by it-clings)

I wish I was like you, I wish I had it all mapped out, I wish I was more in complete understanding of myself, and my role within this wondrous world, and by that I mean I wish I was as stupid as you. I wish I didn't question everything and just go with it. I wish I was so small in my understanding that I could build a model of this world, the universe and through my own comprehension, my own analysis, figure it all out. And the point comes to this when I realize that there is this dirty filthy rapist in my mind, in my world, my society, my work that wishes to destroy, that wants to be unleashed, to fuck up their systems, tear down their trees, to corrupt those tiny boys and girls. And I say rapist because people don't like that being said. They don't mind it being done, they just mind it being said. I want to despoil, to take away the innocence of, because innocence disgusts me. But it's all grotesque banality. This empty self, this half being and everyday another crack forms, another splinter breaks away and hope is gone and without feeling. I want something in a wrapper, something in new silk panties, some old crusty piece of meat, something with the authority of a badge, or an instructional print out. I want it all to corrupt it, I want to revenge myself upon it. To kick away the flimsy papers and cover them with dirt. That's the most I can expect, to sully their receipts, to crumple their registration forms. I wish I was just like you and conclude that I must be of huge importance, that I'm the centre of the world: My pockets are full of change, and through this change I can enact change. I wish I could care about all that lipstick, those things, you know those things, those thinks you care about and those cars and people, all that tripe. On what scale do you measure the worth of these people? And we are taught that money is real value and a moral code and a combination of the two and as the days pass I learn tricks and deceit and the instinct to grab it when it comes. And now look at all of this, who's standing, who's yelling, who's talking about you, it's me! I'm the one after all, and am I important, or am I just a messenger for you? I don't know, I don't give a fuck. I'm yelling and nothing I'm saying hasn't been said before. I see empty eyes, stuffing his fat face with chips or fat, dripping grease, filling his face with money or moral code, and he is without sense. Why the fuck should I acknowledge you, you hold open that door for me and step out of my way, and I didn't ask for this, I didn't ask to have to acknowledge you. Now I sit and some fuck tells me not to sit, not to loiter and I have to acknowledge this prick as well. The only moment of truth is the tenth of a second after the money shot is delivered, in that fraction there is reality. In that singular point, all the lies that money and desperation built are revealed and all that's left is truth. My memory lapses and its hard to tell or care anymore. I don't know if its out of apathy or boredom. This weight is the weight of pointlessness and it drags me down. I've never been so happy, I say to myself and I repeat it to pretend that I'll remember how I felt when I said it, but I remember nothing but the words. He likes it and I don't. I like it but he doesn't. I've realized that I'm not really one person, and neither of us gives a fuck, neither is really whole or worth a damn. 

If the light goes out...

Leave it off.

For gods sake.

I stand alone in the dark.
Nothing left to look at.
Why should I care?
If it's all gone?

Like some creatures hibernate.
I want to sleep till it's all better.
This world is growing too cold for me.
Too cold....too dark.

Winter is a curse.
Take it away from me!
Some things are just a burden,
I don't want to carry.